The Psychology of Attraction: What Really Matters
We all want to understand the mysterious and often frustrating complexities of attraction. Why do we get butterflies in our stomachs when we see certain people? And, why do some relationships feel scintillating and sparkly, while others fall flat? Whether you’re attempting to finally attract a crush or just trying to comprehend what’s going on in an existing relationship, there are certain components of attraction that play an essential role.
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The Fundamental Flaw
Despite all the advances in science, technology and communication over the past few decades, many of us remain mystified by love and attraction. We want to know why certain people awaken passionate feelings within us, while others leave us cold. The biggest factor we overlook when trying to solve this mystery is that the heart wants what it wants. In other words, if we are not drawn to someone, no logical explanation will ever be able to change that fact.**
Even if someone ticks all of your boxes - from looks and income to education and dream vacation spots - it doesn’t automatically mean that you will be attracted to them. Attraction really does come down to a matter of the heart, which means that it can’t be produced on command. This does not mean, however, that science has nothing to tell us about what really matters for creating attraction.
The Science Of Attraction
Attraction is largely based on one’s chemistry with another. This is a very individualized process, as different people have different opinions regarding who they find attractive. Thankfully, though, psychologists have identified several components that are generally considered necessary for attraction.
The first is called proximity, which is the concept that suggests that people are more likely to be attracted to those who are near them geographically. For example, you are likely to experience more attraction to people you live near, or those you are likely to meet in your everyday life, than someone you’ll never see in person.
Another component of attraction is physical appearance. Depending on personal preference, people may find themselves more drawn to blondes or brunettes, fit or muscular physiques, tall or short figures, etc. Of course, physical appearance is far from the only thing that matters when it comes to attracting someone – but this fact can’t be ignored either.
Finally, we have similarities. People are more likely to be attracted to those who share similar values and beliefs. When two people have things in common, it creates a sense of connection that can often lead to attraction.
The Beauty Of It All
What can be said about love and attraction that hasn’t already been said? For millennia, humans have been trying to understand and define this powerful emotion. Despite our best efforts, though, love remains an enigmatic feeling that resists strict rules and boundaries.
At the same time, there is something beautiful in that idea. The fact that attraction cannot be predicted nor controlled gives it an aura of mystery and magic. Love is like a fairytale that can happen to anyone, anywhere and at any time. All you need is an open heart and the willingness to let yourself feel.
When it comes to attraction, we can never be entirely sure of what will happen. That’s part of the beauty of it all - the idea that we can’t always control how and when we will be attracted to someone. Proximity, physical appearance, and shared similarities do have an influence, but in the end, it all comes down to a matter of chemistry. That’s why it’s essential to keep an open heart and mind whenever venturing into the world of love and attraction.