After reading and helping a couple of guys with this problem (“Why Cant I get A Girlfriend?!?“), I decided to start this post. I mostly hope this will give solid advice that will help guys who never had a girlfriend to finally find one. Then I hope others will give tips and join in, so we get a lively discussion going. Hopefully at the end we have all the advice that a guy needs to find a girlfriend for the first time in his life.
Why Can’t I Get A Girlfriend? – Why are other guys having girlfriends and not you?
99% of guys with problems in their dating life think that successful men were born with the ability to attract women. They weren’t. What makes them different from you is not their looks, muscles or money. They have had mentors at a very early age that taught them how to relate to women in order to make women feel attracted to them. These mentors are always older men and include fathers, older brothers and grandfathers. So these guys started at an early age with trial and error, but always with guidance from a more experienced man. When you are young, you learn very quickly and naturally. So at a young age they learned to be confident and comfortable around girls and acquired the knowledge of what attracts girls to men. Most of the things that attracts girls to men are counter intuitive for men, so there is the need of a mentor. Guys you haven’t received that kind of understanding through a role model often do the intuitive, which is mostly wrong. For Example they will just be nice to a woman, because it seems logical and intuitive for them to be nice in order to get a girl to like them. They don’t understand that the goal is not having a girl like you, but having her being attracted to you as a man. The two are different.
So How Can You Get A Girlfriend?
Most guys I get an contact with that ask themselves why cant I get a girlfriend say they want a girl so badly and how miserable they feel. However, they most often don’t go to every length they need to and really go beyond themselves in order to make a change to their lives. They say they want it, but are afraid to get down and get their hands dirty.
What often does not help them is the advice they get from other people. This advice goes a bit like this:
“Hey Cheer up, just take it easy! The right girl has not come along for you yet. It will happen, just relax. You are a great guy, and a real catch…”
This advice suggests passiveness. Like you have to wait for something to magically happen to your life. That’s ok to suggest to your friend who always ends up with the super hot girls and then goes through a rough patch. For him it always seems to magically happen. Sure he can sit back and relax. But somebody who has never had a girlfriend & really wants it bad?
That advice is bad advice, even though it is given with good intentions! Nothing happens by itself. You have to work on that!!! If you have never had a girlfriend and don’t know how to get one, don’t complain, do something about that! Then after taking action and it doesn’t work, you can aks why your approach doesn’t work and what you can do to make it work. Now people will give meaningful advice.
Why Cant I Get A Girlfriend – Step #1: Write Down Your Goal
Write down your goal: “I want to have a girlfriend within the next 6 month.” Stick it where you can see it everyday, then do everything you have to, in order to achieve that goal. Take massive action!
If you are not at least spending 15-20 hours a week figuring out how to get a girlfriend, you don’t really want it…you just SAY you want it. I seriously mean taking 15-20 hours in which you study why you haven’t had a girlfriend yet and take action to do something about that!
I will make that clear, by comparing 2 kinds of guys:
Why Cant I Get A Girlfriend - Step #2: Take Action Step
John is 28 and never had a girlfriend, but he REALLY wants to have one. At least he talks about it a lot. He doesn’t go out much and mostly sits back on his sofa, watches TV and hopes that one day it will just happen.
Now meet Phil. He is 28 too and has never had a girlfriend in his life. But he made a commitment to himself that he will do everything necessary to change that:
1.) He writes down his goal on a post-it and stick it to a mirror where he can see and get reminded every day what he wants to achieve. It clearly states by when he wants to have a girlfriend.
2.) He commits 15 hours a week to achieve that goal. He stops to watch TV everyday, to make that free time. These 15h a week he will spend on nothing else than to figure out how to finally be able to get a girlfriend. He treats the time like he would study for a biology exam. Sets a timer & makes sure he spends enough time per week.
3.) In the first month he reads up on the internet about what women want, how attraction works and how to meet women.
4.) He buys a couple of books, dating information products and goes to seminars that teach guys how to date and get better with women.
5.) He keeps chopping away at the material 15h a day & after 2 month, he actually understands why he isn’t good with women.
6.) He stops learning so much but starts to leave his comfort zone to explore and meet women. He tries everything – acting classes, dancing classes, speed dating, online dating on 3 different websites, going out with his friends at the weekends. Through that he meets about 2 new women a week. He tries all what he learned through his books and makes many mistakes but also learns a lot about women and how to be more sociable on the way.
7.) At one of his acting classes, he meets Paula. He knows quite a lot about women and what attracts them to men at this point. Also, he is meeting and speaking to so many women, he is suddenly very comfortable around them. Since he does not act from a place of being scared and clueless anymore, his real personality shines through. He hits it off with Paula big time from the get go. It feels natural to ask her out. They go on a date and when he walks her home at night to her place, he kisses her.
8.) He managed to achieve his goal 6 month AFTER he set his deadline. He saw his improvements and that helped him to keep going, even though he faced set backs.
Why Cant I Get A Girlfriend – Step #3: Make A Decision Right Now! Are you like John or like Phil?
Of course you can never influence when you meet your next girlfriend or a girl that you want to make your next girlfriend. However, what you can influence is that you yourself are ready to actually attract her when you meet her. Are you 100% sure right now you know the steps to take and what to do when you meet the girl of your dreams, in order to attract her to you? That is one part of the equation. The other part is simply meeting as many girls as you can. Dating is a numbers game!!! Metting as many girls as you can combined with learning how to attract a girl when you found the right one will eventually land you a girlfriend. I know, because that’s exactly how I did it!
There is no easy way out, it wont happen by itself! You have to change your ways, because your old ways arewhat brought you to this point. But most guys are like John. They really want to, but they are too lazy or scared to do something about it. They don’t want to change. Then they hear, relax it will just happen & they think it’s going to be okay to just do nothing.
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